“A few weeks ago I had one of the most significant experiences of my life. Two friends traveled over 9,000 miles to lead me through a series of conversations. On the surface these talks were quite ordinary. We sat on couches in front of a fire with coffee in hand and shared words and stories. In between we ate together and toured the little seaside village where we rented a small house for the week. It was a great week with friends. But these friends are anything but ordinary and the content of our conversations unlike anything I had ever experienced. In the course of our dialogue, I was asked me to share my story. As I recalled and conveyed the details of my life, they listened and asked questions, each interchange taking me deeper into the joys and tragedies that have shaped me. I began to see how evil has intentionally pursued me, how the sin of others negatively impacted me, and most importantly how God loves me and has called me to live in freedom as a much loved son. I am incredibly grateful for these friends. Their unique skill and call to walk beside leaders like me is a significant gift to the Kingdom. Their investment of time and resources to help me is already paying big dividends in my life as I live and lead with a fuller awareness of my story and a renewed hope that the Gospel is true.”

Sitting in the aftermath of the aftermath, and I’m challenged to calculate the math of my life. How much has my “banner of responsible” cost me? How many years have been lost to a dominating sense of shame? Who, and how many ‘whos’ could have benefitted from my true strength instead of a hobbled sense of ought and “must fix”? There is a sinking sadness when I do that math. I must mourn the subtraction of my heart, the division of my gifts that diminished me and left me as “the little boy;’ operating as a child in a adult’s world. But, there is hope of redemption! I was born under the protection of the Holy and Radiant One, blessed be He! And therein lies addition, multiplication. My truth is that God, in HIs mercy, has allowed the Gospel to penetrate my heart to its roots for the very first time this past week. It was like the roar of a lion and before it the demons cowered. The shame that has bound me was broken, cleaved by the Word. God said, “Who told you you were naked?” and He proceeded to cover my shame. And now I am tasked to practice shamelessness. What might that mean and what does that look like? Is it truly possible to live in a land without shame? It’s as if a whole world within a world was revealed to me this past week. A world, like in The Last Battle, that is bigger on the inside than on the outside. A world where the Son of God is my light and I walk with Him, fully me, without shame. I walk now in a new land. Let the Adventure begin!

Well disruptive is a good word. We are not very comfortable with the “in process” concept and it’s not something we have experienced before. We would prefer all the loose ends to be tied up and for us all to be happy and put together. It is uncomfortable to sit with the ambivalence of things. It is like you have come and been a light to the darker regions of our hearts that we have not wanted to look at. So, this is good disruption with the hopes of moving toward authenticity, vulnerability, real community and greater health.

I thought I was familiar with my story but realized how far I have left it behind. Even though it is challenging, I recognize that I need to become familiar with my story and work through a process to engage my story with someone else.” “It is easy to believe that as a leader I have to wear a mask to lead others, but I learned that the best thing and most fruitful way to lead is by removing my mask.“I am feeling deeply connected with my brothers and sisters, as we acknowledge our brokenness and embrace our true identity in Christ.